Before I was a parent coach, before I was a family mediator, I was a foster parent. For 18 years, I opened my home to children and youth through CAS Toronto — kids of all ages, with all kinds of histories, many of whom had already learned not to trust the adults around them.
I learned more about parenting in those 18 years than I ever could have from a book. What I want to share with you today is not a technique or a framework. It is something more fundamental — what I actually observed about what makes children resilient, and what does not.
Resilience Is Not Toughness
There is a common belief that resilience means being able to handle hard things without falling apart. That if we protect our children too much, we are making them fragile. I want to push back on that.
The children I watched become resilient were not the ones who had been through the most without support. They were the ones who had at least one consistent, caring adult who showed up for them — imperfectly, but reliably. Resilience is built in relationship, not in isolation.
What Actually Builds Resilience
Over and over, I saw the same things matter most. A child who knew that one person genuinely saw them — not just their behaviour, but them — could weather an enormous amount. Safety, consistency, and being truly known: these are the foundations.
I also saw how much repair matters. Not perfection. Repair. Parents who could say “I lost my patience and I am sorry” were teaching their children something profound about relationships — that ruptures do not have to mean abandonment, and that coming back together is always possible.
You Do Not Have to Have It All Figured Out
Some of the most effective parents I have ever known were also some of the most uncertain ones. They asked questions. They sought support. They were willing to look honestly at what was and was not working, and to try something different.
That willingness — to stay curious about your child instead of just reacting to them — is one of the most powerful things you can bring to parenting. It is also something parent coaching can help you develop and sustain, especially when things are hard.
Curious about parent coaching? Whether you are navigating a difficult season or simply want to feel more grounded in your approach, I would love to connect. The first conversation is free.