If you are raising teenagers, you already know: some days it feels like an uphill battle. The eye rolls, the muttering, the “you just don’t understand” — parenting teens tests even the most patient and loving parents among us.
Someone asked me recently: How do I stop building resentment toward my teenager? As a parent coach, and having fostered and supported dozens of teens over 18 years with CAS Toronto, this question hit close to home. Here is what I told her.
Why Teens Are Wired to Push You Away
Here is something that might bring you a little peace: the human brain is not fully developed until around age 25. The prefrontal cortex — the part responsible for impulse control, empathy, and decision-making — is the last to mature. What looks like ingratitude or disrespect is, in many ways, developmentally appropriate. It does not make it easy. But it does make it understandable.
The Time Travel Technique
When my own teens were pushing every button I had, I started doing something I call time travel. I would mentally go back to when they were two or three years old — little people who needed me completely, who had not yet developed the tools to regulate their emotions or notice everything I was doing for them.
When my toddler smeared lotion all over the wall, I did not stop loving him. I knew he did not understand yet. I kept showing up. Teenagers are just bigger versions of that same child — still growing, still learning, still needing you to be there even when they act like they do not.
Resentment Is a Signal, Not a Verdict
If you are feeling resentment, that is not a sign you are failing — it is a signal that you need support. Parenting teens is genuinely hard, and doing it without tools or someone in your corner makes it so much harder.
That is where parent coaching comes in. It is not therapy. It is not about revisiting your childhood. It is practical, judgement-free support for parents who want to feel more effective, more connected, and less depleted.
Your Parenting Matters More Than You Know
Keep showing up. Keep serving the person underneath the attitude — the one who still needs you deeply, even if they would never say it out loud. The work you do as a parent ripples forward in ways you will never fully see. That is not small. That is everything.
Parenting teens does not have to feel this lonely. I offer one-on-one parent coaching for families navigating exactly this kind of season — warm, practical, and completely tailored to your family.