You Reached Out to a Mediator. Now What?

I know what it feels like to be on the other side of this.

I have been through a separation. I know the exhaustion, the fear, the grief that sits underneath even the most practical conversations about schedules and agreements. I know what it feels like to wonder whether there is a way through that does not involve destroying each other,  or your children, in the process.

That experience is part of why I do this work. And it is why I take the intake process seriously.

Most people who contact a family mediator have never done it before. They are in one of the hardest seasons of their lives and the last thing they need is more confusion about what comes next. So here is exactly what it looks like when you reach out to me.

Step 1: The Free Consultation

The first step is a free consultation, held over Zoom or by phone. This is not a mediation session. Nothing is decided, no agreements are made, and you are not committing to anything.

The consultation exists for one reason: to figure out whether mediation is a good fit for your situation.

We will talk about what is going on, what you are hoping to resolve, and whether mediation makes sense given your circumstances. I will explain how the process works, answer your questions honestly, and give you a straight assessment of whether I think I can help.

If mediation is not the right fit, for any reason, I will tell you that directly and point you toward something more useful. I would rather do that than take you through a process that is not going to serve you.

Step 2: Individual Intake Sessions

If we decide to move forward, each party meets with me separately before any joint sessions begin. These individual intake sessions are a standard and important part of the mediation process, and they are one of the things that sets a structured, professional process apart from just sitting two people in a room together and hoping for the best.

These sessions give each person the chance to share their perspective privately. They allow me to understand each person’s concerns, priorities, and goals. And they allow me to screen carefully for anything that might make mediation unsafe or inappropriate, including power imbalances, safety concerns, or circumstances that require a different kind of support.

What you share in your individual intake session is confidential. I will not relay the specifics to the other party.

Step 3: Preparing for Joint Sessions

After the individual intakes, we establish a clear structure for moving forward. This includes agreeing on how communication will work, what topics will be addressed, and what the goals of the process are.

Before joint sessions begin, both parties review and sign a mediation agreement. This document outlines the terms of the process, confidentiality, the voluntary nature of mediation, and the understanding that mediation does not replace independent legal advice.

On that note: at every stage of this process, I encourage both parties to consult with their own lawyer. As an Ontario Association for Family Mediation (OAFM) member working toward my AccFM designation, I follow OAFM’s standards of practice, which include ensuring both parties understand their right to independent legal advice before signing any agreement. Mediation is not a legal service and I do not provide legal advice, having your own lawyer review any agreement you reach protects you.

Is Mediation Right for Your Situation?

Part of the intake process is making that assessment honestly, and I take that seriously.

Mediation works best when both parties are willing to engage in good faith, even if they do not agree on much yet. It is not about liking each other. It is about being willing to show up and work toward something better for your family.

Situations involving active family violence, serious safety concerns, or significant power imbalances may not be appropriate for mediation. I will always tell you that directly. Safety comes before process, every time.

A Note on Where I Work

I work with families across Ontario and Canada. Sessions are conducted virtually via Zoom, making the process accessible no matter where you are. In-person sessions in the Greater Toronto and surrounding area are available by advance arrangement.

The Bottom Line

I built my intake process to make sure mediation is the right path before anyone invests time, money, or emotional energy in it. Not because it is a formality, but because I have seen what happens when people jump into conflict resolution without the right foundation. It does not work.

If you are wondering whether mediation might help your family, the free consultation is the place to start. No pressure, no commitment.

Just a conversation, with someone who genuinely gets it.

You don’t have to have it all figured out before reaching out. That’s what the consultation is for. I’m here when you’re ready.