Jenn Bruer

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Be IN love, unconditionally

One contributing factor of burnout, I believe, is our armoured hearts. When we block the flow of love, it causes stress. Period.

Love is healing, but on the path to unconditional love, our cultural obsession with lust and being “in love” is one that can paradoxically cut us off from love. Are you cut off from love? 

A WEATHER VANE POINTED RIGHT AT YOU

When you fall in love with someone, that person acts like a weathervane pointing right to the centre of your being, revealing the greatest most profound truth about you; that within you is a deep endless reservoir of love. The problem with this experience is that it can leave you believing that without that person, the love within you, the love that you feel, will disappear. 

In the absence of a weathervane, is there no wind? No weather? The weathervane acts as a mere tool to guide us. When you find yourself no longer “in love” – because the love within has shifted in various directions – the love never disappears, it doesn’t lose strength, it remains unadulterated in its purest form within you, flowing much like wind. Love is ever present, and in perpetual motion. 

When a relationship faces conflict, change, or ending, you may believe that this vibration of love has disappeared, leaving you grasping at possession… I need to have you because without you I will be without love. Embrace the truth that love, while it may shift like the wind, is unwavering in its rootedness within you. The love you felt when you were “in love” was never within that other person, it was always within you. Let go of the attempts to hold it there in some strange stillness, like an awkward fake smile in a still photograph. It’s an illusion to think that love can be held in stillness. You don’t want a photograph of love; you want the movement of love in its glorious natural flow.

LOVE ILLUSIONS

Let go of the illusion that the love you felt was ever them. Besides being false it places undue pressure on your loved one to hold still, while also facing the forward motion of life’s momentum in some phoney love photograph. Love isn’t an Instagram picture with filters and captions; let’s stop treating it like that. 

We have both the capacity and the obligation to spread love wherever and whenever possible. When you fall “in love”, it says far more about you than it ever says about the other person; when you fall in love, you are falling more deeply into yourself, and not, as the fairy tales would suggest, into another person. 

On your love journey, rather than focusing on helping others understand you, try with the same level of exertion to unveil yourself internally, this will bring you closer to yourself, the one person you are here to know. The prize along the way is a self-love that increases in altitude, relative to the height of your search. 

Every relationship and every experience gifts you with a deeper understanding of yourself. 

To love a person does not require their permission to love them, they don’t require your commitment, they don’t require you to assert conditions onto them that reflect social conditioning (e.g., I will love you only if, only when… etc.). 

On the path to embodying true, meaningful, unconditional love, we must not intertwine this healing vibration with possessiveness, ownership and most certainly, not with conditions. Separate your values and needs within relationships, and the love you bring to those relationships. Love just IS, there are no rules. Relationships have rules, actions and behaviours have rules, but love is a rule-free zone. 

Here is an example… if I decide to engage in a friendship with you, there will be rules. Rule number one: you must laugh at all my jokes (ha-ha), if you don’t, I can no longer be your friend, but I can and will still love you regardless of your complete lack of humour. I can still choose not to be your friend, based on my need to have my friends laugh with me (at me?). Actions and conditions, versus the unconditional vibration of love. When you place rules onto the flow of LOVE you begin to build armour. 

CONDITIONAL VS. UNCONDITIONAL

Conditions and boundaries within relationships are good, healthy, and necessary; just make sure that within your heart and mind you are separating the boundaries of a relationship and the boundaries of love. Once you start to play with the boundaries of love, you are building armour around your heart centre, from an energy perspective this can lead to you receiving less love, giving less love, and experiencing the love within you with less potency. An armoured heart will feel unnourished, leading to a fruitless search for external love.

APPOSING AGENDAS OF THE HEART AND MIND

What is the difference between boundaries in relationships versus boundaries of the heart? 

When I love someone, they can say or do something that hurts me, they can act in a way that doesn’t feel loving to me, they can be unappreciative or disrespectful (particularly in a parenting situation), and in that moment, my mind will use emotions like anger or frustration to urge my heart to retreat in its flow of love. This lack of flow hurts me more than it does them, and it puts a strain on the relationship. To cultivate unconditional love in this moment, I can feel my heart responding but encourage my heart centre to remain open and flowing with love, while still responding by establishing a healthy boundary. 

Sometimes the situation can be reversed, and my heart will beam with love and try to discourage my mind from establishing a healthy boundary (just as unhealthy as the reversed). That could look like this, “It’s ok that you are acting hurtful, I love you so much and you are so adorable, so it doesn’t matter”. 

It’s as if the mind and the heart are two separate political parties in office at the same time! (imagine that?) Two different ideas on how to run things, two separate agendas. They are impacting one another, both thinking their way is the best way. 

There is a way to live harmoniously with an open heart-centre, allowing love to flow in and around you while still establishing healthy boundaries within a relationship. Boundaries belong in relationships; boundaries are healthy and well. Just make sure that the love within you in casting out into the world without boundary – I promise it can’t hurt you. 

Cultivating compassion

What does compassion have to do with burnout prevention and recovery? 

Everything. 

Here are some self-compassion highlights

  • Close your eyes and move the awareness from your mind to your heart centre, place your hand over your heart, take a deep breath and inhale compassion (because it’s your intention to do so) and exhale thoughts that no longer serve you. It may help to accompany this practice with these words, “I am inhaling compassion and exhaling thoughts that no longer serve me”.   
  • Shift your thoughts to the present moment. What often holds us back from compassion is our grasping at control and our attachment to a different result. The present moment is all there ever is and all there ever will be. Resist the urge to regret the past OR hold onto the future with an attachment to a potential result and instead, accept that you don’t know what is coming next. Don’t grasp at control, release it.  
  • Practice gratitude. In any given moment, especially in times of internal conflict, find something to be grateful for.  I keep a “score chart” on my phone of all the things I am grateful for, then when I am feeling a need for self-compassion, I can remind myself of the things for which I am grateful! 
  • Surrender to a higher power, whatever higher power means or is to you – have faith that this power has your back. It matters less what you call it, it matters more that you call.   
  • Remind yourself that you are not your excellence nor your accomplishments. You are not your body, you are not your thoughts, you are not your actions, you are SO much greater than those things. Whatever it is that has you lacking in compassion for yourself …forgive.  
  • When you have trouble and you revert to old programming or thoughts to the contrary, find one of these mantras and REPEAT them.  
  1. I am not my thoughts 
  2. I am not my actions 
  3. I am not my excellence 
  4. My greatness is untouched 
  5. The love and light that I am is unwavering 
  6. I wish to see myself the way I am meant to be seen 
  7. I will do better next time, I am learning through my experience 
  8. Extending compassion to others 

Once we’ve perfected self-compassion it’s easier to extend compassion outward into the world. It’s easier to practice compassion for others when they act in ways that we deem as “appropriate” and in keeping with our own expectations. It’s easy to practice compassion for those we love. The real challenge is in extending compassion when our knee-jerk reaction is more on the side of rejection or condemnation.  

Highlights on extending compassion to others  

  • Reject the internal propensity to repeat ideas that blame or condemn, or sound something like this… “They should have known better…” “I can’t believe….”  
  • Stop yourself from the internal analysis to find the other persons ill intentions, and  remind yourself you do now know what is going on for this person and you don’t really know why they acted the way they did- EVEN when you think you have this person and their intentions all figured out.  
  • When someone disappoints, take a deep breath and find a mantra that works- you know it works if the sentence helps to soften your heart centre and bring a momentary feeling of peace:  
  • I can forgive and acknowledge the innate light that exists in this person and still hold this person accountable for their actions (this mantra is especially important for advocates in the community facing such harsh things like systemic racism and other cultural issues that can evoke anger; consider what you stand for and not what you stand against)   
  • They are not their actions, just as I am not my actions 
  • This person’s greatness is untouched 
  • This person has forgotten who they truly are, I can remember for them 
  • I wish to see them the way they are meant to be seen (i.e. outside of their accomplishment or behaviour) 
  • They will do better next time, they are learning through their experience 
  • They aren’t perfect and neither am I 

Embracing Unconditional Love: A Journey Towards Wholeness

Embracing Unconditional Love: A Journey Towards Wholeness

Introduction: The Practice of Unconditional Love

In the quest for personal growth and collective betterment, I’ve embarked on a journey that centers around a powerful concept: the practice of unconditional love. This endeavor is aptly called a “practice” because, as with many profound concepts, perfection remains a distant goal. Join me as I explore the nuances of unconditional love and how it has guided me through my path to recovery from burnout.

Embracing Moments of Regression

Amidst my journey of recovery, I’ve encountered moments of regression—times when the weight of the world seemed too much to bear. However, I’ve learned that these moments are transient. The pandemic, in its isolation, has intensified such instances, making them all the more relatable. Yet, it’s crucial to remember that these moments are opportunities for growth and self-compassion.

A Deeper Look: Reflecting on the World

In those moments of reflection, I’ve contemplated the tumultuous state of the world: the specter of racism, the divisive nature of politics, and our detachment from the earth. These reflections often leave me drained and bewildered. But the key question remains: how do we navigate through this chaos and rise to a higher level of existence?

Harnessing Personal Control: The Power of Response

While we can’t control the external world or the actions of others, we possess the ability to dictate our response. My personal commitment involves choosing unconditional love as my response—consistently and intentionally. Even when I falter in practicing unconditional love, I extend compassion to myself for attempting.

Unconditional Love: The Path Forward

The path forward, it seems, rests upon embracing unconditional love. This powerful energy, if adopted collectively, could catalyze a shift towards more compassionate legislation and governance. Yet, this transformation must begin within us—by fostering love within ourselves and radiating it outwards.

The Practice of Unconditional Love: Insights and Discoveries

As I embark on this transformative journey, I’ve unearthed several insights about practicing unconditional love:

1. A Blend of Gift and Choice: Love is a blend of spontaneous gift and conscious choice, particularly when we choose to love.

2. Navigating Political Waters: For those daring enough, navigate this practice even with politicians, but perhaps that’s an advanced level (winks).

3. Stance Over Action: Love isn’t just a set of actions; it’s an unwavering stance, an intentional vibration we uphold.

4. Love Versus Lust: Distinguish love from lust—two distinct vibrations often conflated by media portrayals.

5. Transcending Actions: Unconditional love transcends actions, enabling us to perceive the inherent love and light within another, regardless of their behavior.

6. A Clear Conscience: Loving someone doesn’t equate to endorsing their actions. Love allows us to hold them accountable while maintaining our own compassion.

7. Bridging Political Divides: Love can bridge the chasm of political differences, showing that compassion transcends ideological barriers.

8. Boundaries and Compassion: Unconditional love and personal boundaries coexist, and compassion often begins with oneself.

9. Light in Others: Unconditional love starts by seeing the light in others, even when their actions might obscure it.

10. Championing Greatness: Innate greatness eclipses excellence; this practice compels us to recognize and celebrate that distinction.

Embodying the Miracle

Each of us is a perpetual miracle, akin to the awe-inspiring miracle of a newborn baby. Yet, somewhere along the way, we lose sight of this truth when looking at each other. Let’s rekindle that reverence and recognize that our inherent miraculous essence endures regardless of external accomplishments.

Conclusion: Unconditional Love as the Way Forward

As I continue to navigate this journey, one truth remains resolute: unconditional love can be the catalyst for personal and global transformation. While its practice demands persistent effort and occasional stumbles, it offers a route to a more compassionate and interconnected world.

Sign-off: Embrace Love, Embrace Growth

May we all embrace the profound practice of unconditional love—both for ourselves and others. As we navigate the complexities of life, let us remember that this journey isn’t just about unconditional love; it’s about embracing growth, becoming the best versions of ourselves, and in doing so, igniting positive change in the world.

With love and light,

Jenn